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| Hochman, Dean "japanese garden" 08/14/2014 via flickr.com Attribution 2.0 Generic |
Active Verbs- Active verbs create engaging writing. While
reading through my QRG I noticed that my writing uses a lot of passive verbs to
tell instead of show the reader what is happening. Here is an example of using
a be verb in my paper, "Dr. Frank Wilczek presented his mathematical proof
to his peers at Physical Review Letters he was met with disbelief". The
first part of the sentence contains the action verb presented but in the
dependent clause the verb was is used before met as a modifier and that verb
becomes a be verb. A couple lines down, an action verb is used, "Dr.
Bruno, disagreed with Dr. Wilczek and created his own proof to disprove Dr.
Wilczek's". Disagreed is the action in the sentence and the verb is not
being modified by another verb meaning it is an active verb. These types of
sentences engage the reader more than using modifiers like was or were.
Parallel Ideas- Parallel structure in sentences and across
paragraphs is important to keep the reader focused on that paragraph or
sentence's point. A switch in verb tense, or not using parallel structure when
listing actions can throw the reader for a loop. In my paper is was apparent
that I would not maintain parallel structure in lists like this, "Quantum
time crystals do not lose energy because their transcendence of time allows
them to keep their energy and move without a loss of energy". The use of
parallel structure between the verbs to keep and to move adds more flow to the
sentence. A good use of parallel structure in my paper was in the paragraph
below the subheading When did this happen, "Both papers and comments were
published". Notice in the subject that both of the nouns are in the plural
after the preposition mentions both. This similarity makes the paper look
uniform, more complete and polished which is what clarity will do to a paper.
Shifts- Shifts in verb tense, voice or point of view is the
most annoying and confusing mistake a writer can make because it throws into
question the entire sentence's point. An unintentional verb tense change will
also confuse the reader about when this took place, "another fellow, Dr.
Patrick Bruno, would write his own paper to prove Dr. Frank Wilczek's theorem
wrong". The use of would write confuses the tense of the sentence. Would
implies some sort of condition, that Dr. Bruno wrote this paper on some
condition being fulfilled. Instead to clarify this sentence, would should be
dropped and write replaced with wrote to simplify the writing. A good sentence
in my paper that shows how to write a sentence without unnecessary shifts in
tense is, "Dr. Frank Wilczek presented his mathematical proof to his peers
at Physical Review Letters he was met with disbelief". This sentence
explains an event that happened in the past and both verbs in independent
clause and dependent clause use verbs in the past tense. This is the example I
use in my paper to ensure all of my sentences have no verbs tense shifts.
Exact Words- Using exact words to describe how an event made
a person feel is a task that becomes difficult when traditional words don't fit
the bill. In my draft, the use of words that didn't quite fit the context of
the sentence were abundant and forcing myself to find different words to
replace them with expanded my vocabulary and allowed my writing to be, again,
understood clearly. Here are my two worst mistakes, "While many
fellows" and "a new machine". The use of fellows so many times
in my paper without proper explanation makes it hard to know what a fellow is
and a fellow for what. Instead, substituting fellow for peer editor or
colleague gives the reader more context about the context. Next, the use of
machine to describe a time crystal is a metaphorical device more than a
truthful comparison. By using a different word or explaining to the reader that
a time crystal not actually a machine but a subatomic structure is way to give
the reader more information.
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