Below is my revised introduction. I have improved greatly upon the original introduction by following the points in the
Student's Guide on pages 52-53. In my original introduction used an ancedote to start the essay and hook the reader. However, in the improved introduction I used a statistic out of the article I am analyzing. This clearly hooked the reader in my opinion and then it provided excellent forecasting to lead the reader in the direction my essay will be taking. I kept the same thesis as before because it is my final thesis.
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| O' Rourke, Alan. "Too Busy To Improve - Performance Management - Square Wheels" 10/22/2014 via flickr.com Attribution 2.0 Generic |
Original Introduction
Scientists have warned countries that climate change caused by the wide
use of fossil fuels has caused the climate to rapidly change. The
scientists analysis of the dramatic global increase of average
temperature and the increase in sporadic weather patterns has validated
their claims. This has forced companies, large organizations, and
countries to invest heavily in renewable resources. One organization,
the UK Atomic Authority has garnered support for a nuclear fusion
experiment funded by the US, China, India, Russia, and numerous other
countries. This global initiative has been realized, planned, and now
funded because of a the analysis done by environmental scientists cross
the global. One of these scientists, Steven Cowley, wrote an article
about nuclear fusion, called "Is Nuclear Fusion the Best Way to Support Rising Energy Demands?". Cowley uses rhetorical
devices such as contextual examples, use of organized chronological
styles, and his own reputation of the CEO of the UK Atomic Energy Authority to
effectively sway his audience into believing that nuclear fusion is the
only way to create an economy based on sustainable energy.
Improved Introduction
A nuclear fusion power plant is projected to use only 425 kiloliters of
fuel in one year (Cowley). This may sound like a high consumption rate but when
comparing it to the amount of gasoline the average American uses in a
year, the power plant uses significantly less . Statistics show
that each year a driver in America purchases a whopping 429 gallons of
fuel (eia.gov). But a nuclear fusion power plant uses only 112 gallons of
fuel when converted. Theoretically, these power plants could create
enough energy to replace the coal, natural gas, and nuclear power plants
found in America that powers the homes and businesses we use everyday.
Steven Cowley, a professor of physics at Imperial College wrote an
article in worldfinance.com about "Is Nuclear Fusion the Best Way to Support Rising Energy Demands?" arguing this point. He employed
rhetorical strategies, understanding of his intended audience and the
use of logical thinking to convince his readers that nuclear fusion is
the only way to run an economy on sustainable energy. In this paper, we
will analyze whether or not Cowley was effective in his use of
rhetorical strategies to convey the purpose of the article to his
readership. Cowley uses rhetorical devices such as contextual examples,
use of an organized chronological based style of writing, and his own
reputation as the CEO of the UK Atomic Energy Authority to effectively sway his
audience into believing that nuclear fusion is the only way to create an
economy based on sustainable energy.
